-JS

As I grew up, I never remember feeling connected to my body, and I certainly don't remember feeling connected to my sensuality nor sexuality. I DO remember feeling a lot of shame, and a lot of self-doubt, mostly stemming from a strict catholic background. I remember people-pleasing, tension, overthinking, and perfectionism.

 

I also remember feeling different: Constantly dreaming about becoming an artist or a famous writer. Wanting to dress in funky colors and be SEEN. Wanting to explore everything with a creative eye...school projects, hobbies, basic routines. I mostly kept these desires to myself, feeling the shame of being disobedient or vain.

 

My shame and self-doubt collected in my body and formed Vaginismus, or pelvic floor tightness, a condition causing chronic pain and total body disconnection. 

 

I didn't reach out for support with my Vaginismus until my early 20s. Up until that point, I lived with the pain and shame because it felt easier to ignore and try to "be normal." In reality, I was struggling. I'm so grateful I finally searched for answers.

 

I went to physical therapy. I experimented with pleasure in various forms. I quit dieting and over-exercising. I explored my sexual identity and came out as queer. I went to school for creative writing and explored my sensuality via poetry and short stories. Oh...and I got witchy. 

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At one point in my late 20s, I walked into a little apothecary in my hometown. I remember stepping into the space and feeling a deep sense of belonging. Also...it smelled so good. Essential oils and "potions" lined the shelves and I'm pretty sure I stayed in the small shop, circling the aromatherapy section, just SNIFFING, for hours.

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I promptly signed up for a plant medicine class, then an aromatherapy certification class, and then I ended up working at the shop for a year, tending to inventory and helping customers discover their favorite scents. 

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Perfumery has helped me connect with my sensory body, in the obvious ways, but also in a way that has tuned me into my intuition, my aliveness, my day-to-day mundanity. Because of scent and the other senses, I have this gorgeous, magical tool that calms me when I'm anxious; keeps me in conversation with my physical body; connects me playfully to my creativity; and delights me in the simplest ways.

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And creative writing--particularly smut and erotica writing--both sharing it and teaching it, has helped me and others to reclaim, explore and enjoy our sexuality, queerness and sensual imaginations, particularly post-catholicism or religious dogma.

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And here I am, 6 years later, running a business as a perfumer, writer, and creative writing teacher. I enjoy using my hands and my creative heart to make perfumes for people. These scents are intended to connect wearers to their sensuality, to reclaim it and celebrate it.

 

A few other facts about me: I live on the Appalachian mountains on unceded Piscataway and Massawomeck lands. I enjoy being outside amongst sun, trees, and dappled light, sipping coffee or tea. I have an eye for eclectic and funky decor and design and outfits. I find astrology interesting and fun to follow (gemini sun; aries moon; pisces rising). I love the sounds of train whistles. I am drawn to neon lighting. I eat a lot of chocolate-covered pretzels and I drink a lot of seltzer. Velvet is my favorite texture. I rewatch the Veronica Mars series every few years. I read a lot of YA romance novels. I live for a good breeze.

 

I'm so glad and honored you're here.